I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
