Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pants are for mortals
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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