i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
