She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
