My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
