Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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