1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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