Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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