I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
