it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of course I have a pirate flag
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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