dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize