have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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