I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
