Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize