I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i think my cat just said my name.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
