Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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