why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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