According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
