i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
