It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
