My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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