that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
