I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
