When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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