Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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