if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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