That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
