Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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