Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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