I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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