She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
