There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
