If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
