You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize