His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
