I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
