Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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