someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
operation harelip BJ is a go
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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