I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
