Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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