I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ttyl tear gas
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
