I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
