Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
