Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The Olympian is in my bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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