Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
