Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
