captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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