I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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