Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
