I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Houston, we have a blender
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
