Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
