my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
