You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
