is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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