I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
