suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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