Duck Duck Cougar?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
