Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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