Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
