My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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