Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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