I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
