Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
