even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
even my farts smell like vagina
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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