i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
