No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize