I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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