i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
