Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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