jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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