I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
