EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
