We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
