Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
