so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
