At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
