I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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