Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
