Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
