Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
