I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
