In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
