morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
